Miracle of Life
by Keiko-tama
Summary: Crack-tastic, Miki is pregnant, Kanda is preggo bashing, and Allen is getting toturted right and left! Implied yaoi, sex jokes sometimes, really weird. OC pairings too. Also see FluffyButtProduciton at for more crack and DGM!
1. A Secret Revealed

**Chapter 1: A Secret is Revealed**

Keiko leaned back on Allen's bed to make herself comfortable, humming slightly. Her face was hidden by the thick spine of a book and she only looked up when she heard a crash next to the bed.

"How's it going, hun?" She sang. Allen lay sprawled next to his bed, having just tripped over his nightstand. He blushed in embarrassment, as well as his new nickname, and quickly scrambled to his feet.

"F-Fine." He gathered the books he had dropped and began to carefully place them on his shelf. "I still don't see why you're making me clean my room, though. It's not like anyone but me has to be in here..." He scanned the small room and grimaced at the trash bag already filled with junk his had picked up off his floor.

"Because I'm coming to the Order more and more often, and I end up staying here." Keiko answered and returned hr attention to her book.

"But why do I have to clean?" Even though he didn't want to, Allen had ended up giving in to Keiko's nagging and started straighting up his room. He didn't want to say it, but Keiko could be a little bit of a neat freak when she was in the mood. Okay, a _really bad_ neat freak.

"I'm not sleeping in a sty!" She said simply. Allen rolled his eyes, but didn't object. Besides, he found her obsessiveness kinda cute, in a scary, evil overlord kinda way. Allen frowned; that didn't make much sense.

A soft knock on the door made Keiko jump and shriek. Allen snickered and moved toward the door, dodging the pillow Keiko threw at him. He opened the doors and a very nervous looking Miki shuffled in. She took one look at Keiko laying on the bed, sheets ruffled around her, and smirked.

"Did I _interrupt_ anything?" Keiko blushed slightly and giggled; Allen smiled sincerely and shoo his head.

"Nope. I was just cleaning." Miki pouted and Keiko rolled her eyes at Allen's naive response. "Allen, it's no fun if you don't even know I'm teasing you!" She cried. Allen cocked his head to the side and looked back at Keiko. Suddenly he realized Miki's comment and flushed scarlet.

"N-N-No, Miki, it's not what you think!" Allen waved his hands frantically at the grinning Miki. "S-She was just...And I was cleaning...And, and..." As he continued to babble incoherently, Miki's smirk widened.

"So _that's _what they're calling it nowadays." The height deprived scientist moved past the spluttering exorcist and threw herself onto the bed next to Keiko who was laughing hard enough to make her eyes tear up. Seeing Allen get all flustered was always a good for a laugh (or a hysterical fit, as demonstrated by Keiko).

"Ah, I'm just kidding. Don't get your panties in all in a bunch." This last comment made Keiko laugh so hard she fell silent, clutching her sides. Eventually her breathing returned to normal and she flopped back on Allen's pillows, catching her breath.

"I...frikin'...love you...Miki..." She breathed. Miki grinned and leaned against the wall, stretching her legs out in front of her. Allen stood at the far end of the room, surrounded by a dark aura of gloom. Miki made faces at the sulking teen before suddenly remembering why she had searched high and low for Keiko,hence how she ended up in Allen's room. Her smile became nervous and she twiddled her thumbs; Keiko noticed the sudden shift from silence to incredibly awkward silence and raised her head. She saw Miki's jittery movements and sat up.

"Something on your mind?" She asked. Miki jumped at the question and quickly looked away.

"Um...yeah...There was something I needed to tell you...but you have to promise to keep it a secret!" Her voice trembled with anxiety as she talked. Keiko took note of Miki's sudden seriousness and shifted so she was sitting close enough to hug the shorter girl, which she did. Allen came out of his self-pitying and moved to the bed, kneeling in front of Miki.

"We won't tell. Promise." Keiko did a zipper motion over her lips and Allen nodded in agreement. Miki looked back and forth between her two friends and her eyes watered up.

"YOU GUYS ARE SO NICE!!!" She wailed, hugging Keiko around the neck. Keiko snuck a side glance at Allen who looked quite taken aback by the sudden outburst. His eyes were wide and he looked completely lost; as expected, Allen never had been too great with dealing with crying girls. He racked his brain desperately for something to say, anything to make her stop.

"It's okay, Miki, calm down. You can tell us anything." Little did Keiko know that very soon, "calm" would be a mere fantasy around the hellhole known as the_ Black Order_.

"O-okay..." Miki sniffled and Allen managed to be somewhat less of a useless lump and handed her a handkerchief. "P-promise you won't h-hate me? No m-matter w-what?" Keiko and Allen exchanged glances and Allen slowly nodded. He put his hand on Miki's and smiled reassuringly (we all know how good he is at that).

"Of course." Miki took a deep breath and steeled herself.

"I'M PREGNANT!!!"

_What now?!_

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**Well, chapter one of a cracktatic D. Gray-Man fanfiction!! nervous laugh Inspired by a also cracktastic roleplay with my dear Askley and Jenny 3 It's sure to get weirder as we go sweatdrops First fanfiction ever posted on so be nice to the newbie!! laughs Hope you liked it 3**

**Disclaimer: I do not own DGM, or any of the characters in any way shape or form, as much as I wished I did. I only cough own Miki, Keiko, Miha, Hikari, and Davey. Even out of those, Keiko isthe only one who's mine. **


	2. Sealed Lips

**Chapter 2: Sealed Lips**

Keiko stared at the sniffling Miki in utter disbelief.

"Did...you just say-" Miki nodded. "Okay, please tell me this is a joke so I can pretend to be pissed and laugh with you." Allen had fallen eerily silent. He remained completely still, eyes wide and his mouth slightly open.

"Keiko...I wouldn't lie about something like this..." The serious look on her face confirmed her words. Keiko nodded and closed her eyes.

"Is it Komui's?" Miki flushed with anger and flailed her arms.

"Of course it is, you idiot! I'm not some whore who gives her self away! I would never betray my baby!" She huffed and turned away, but pretty soon her eyes began to water. "I'm sorry Keiko..."

"S'okay. I understand." Miki nodded and wiped her eyes on her sleeve. Keiko looked Miki up and down before asking, "How far along are you?"

"Um...About four months." Keiko let out a long whistle and leaned her back against the wall. "Why didn't you tell anyone?"

"I just found out last week."

"And Komui?"

"YES IT'S HIS!!" Keiko fell backwards with the force of her outburst and quickly began to shush Miki.

"I know, I know! I was going to ask if he knew." Miki fell silent. "Shall I assume that's an no?"

"I just haven't-"

"YOU'RE PREGNANT!?!?!?!" Both girls turned to face Allen, who was now staring at Miki, his eye twitching slightly. Slowly Miki nodded, not sure how to respond to Allen's late reaction.

"Er...I just said that."

"But that means...and if it's Komui's...You...you and Komui...the two of you had to...OH MY GOD!!!" He twitched and sat down on the floor next to the bed. "Oh jeez...My head hurts..." Keiko and Miki watched this little mental breakdown with wide eyes, seriously doubting Allen's sanity.

"Er...Allen...are you...okay?" Keiko pulled lightly on his white locks, trying not to laugh.

"Y-yeah...Just surprised I guess...She's...she's only fourteen!" Miki stood up on the bed and pointed dramatically at Allen.

"Age is but a number when you're in love!!" She cried. Allen stared at her and Keiko tapped her leg.

"You're going to fall." Miki looked down and flopped onto the bed with a heavy sigh. "Um...as I was saying before Allen completely lost his mind..." Keiko cocked her head at the exorcist.

"Sorry..." He mumbled almost incoherently, looking away from both girls.

"_As I was saying_," Keiko emphasized this statement. It seemed impossible for her to get a single question out these days. "Does Komui know? I mean, you're pretty far along."

Miki gazed out of window and the room lapsed into silence. When she finally spoke, Keiko could barely hear her words. "Not exactly...I'm...I can't tell him..." Her eyes glazed with tears and she buried her head in her knees. Keiko moved closer and hugged her scientific friend.

"Why can't you?" Allen was surprised at how calm Keiko was being. She was usually hyper, bossy, quirky, obsessive, obnoxious...where was he going with this? Something about her being unusually gentle...

"I can't tell him! What if he hates me!? What if he says that he never wants to see me again!? I don't want to hear that! I...I can't hear it..." Keiko pet the girl's hair soothing.

"I'm sure he won't hate you. I'd bet money that he'll be with you all the way.

"But how can you be sure?"

"Oh, I'm just assuming. I can't really promise anything." Miki broke from Keiko's hug and glared at her.

"What do you mean by that!? You're not just bullshitting me are you!?" Keiko stammered slightly and glanced pleadingly at Allen. The teen gathered enough of his sanity back to try and help.

"I think what Keiko is trying to say in her own, tactless way, is that you can't know for sure what he'll say. But you won't know unless you try. And if you don't tell him, rumors might spread and he'll get the wrong story. It's best to hear from you, firsthand. Besides, I know Komui. He's loves his family very much, and I bet he'll love you, and his new child very, very much." Keiko and Miki stared at Allen, their mouths gaping in unison.

"Allen...that was beautiful..." Keiko clasped her hands together her dramatically, and hugged him around the neck. Miki sat silent, staring.

"That...was actually smart. You're right...Allen's right...YOU STOLE KOMUI'S BRAIN DIDN'T YOU!?!" Miki shouted and pointed an accusatory finger at Allen. "You mind raped him and stole his smarts! Give them back, you IQ thief!!!" Allen sweat dropped and raised his hands defensively.

"I can tell you with straight face that I did no such thing."

"LIES! YOU LIE!" Keiko laughed glanced at Miki.

"So are you gonna take the brain-napper's advice and tell Komui, your red hot lover?" Allen spazzed slightly at the sexually intended joke and began shouting that he wasn't a thief.

"Yeah...I am. I'm going to tell Komui that he's a father, and he leaves me for it, I'LL KICK HIS ASS!"

"That's the spirit!" Keiko jumped off the bed and held the door open like a butler. Miki dashed out he door, determined. Keiko was just about the shut the door when Miki popped back into the room, blushing shyly.

"Um...Will you come with me?"

-----

**Terribly sorry I didn't explain this earlier. This entire fanfiction is crack and has OCs pairing everywhere. Keiko, Miki, Saya, Miha, Davey(he might not show up), Hikari and Saduko are all OCs. They are us, FluffyButtProductions, turned into D. Gray-man OCs and paired up with our favorite characters. If you don't like OC pairings, I'm sorry. Find crack else where; this is all OC. If you want to see more of FBP work go to and look up FluffyButtProduction We enjoy the love Hope you liked this chappie! **


	3. Jerry Springer's You're the father!

**Chapter 3: Jerry Springer, you're the father!**

"Chief? Yo, Komui. Oh come on, You have _got_ to be kidding me." Reever resisted the urge to hit his head on the wall and bent down to the sleeping scientist's ear. "Lenalee's getting married."

It was barely a whisper, but Komui, in his all-but-dead-sleep, still heard it. And of course he responde- "LENALEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!"

...He interrupted the authoress! How rude!

At any rate, Komui flailed about in his chair and tried to pull Lenalee into a hug. She wasn't there(probably somewhere in the kitchen, lucky her), but in her place was Miki's chest. Miki stared down at the hand clutching her breast and then at the man attached to said hand. Komui finally stopped flailing and looked up at Miki, grinning.

"Um...I love you?" Miki repressed all lewd thoughts that entered her mind and decided to go a much simpler, but still perverse route; "Komui-san, at least wait until we're _alone_..."

Keiko stifled her laughter and Allen, who had grudgingly tagged along, twitched. Now that he knew Miki's secret, he could only imagine the truth behind her comment. It reminded him of a certain Master...

"Maybe now that you're awake you can get some work done..."

"Eh? Did I hear something? Oh well, must've been the _useless_ wind." Komui winked at Miki as he said this, and Keiko stifled her laughter. Reever shook his head and walked away. The longer he stayed talking with Komui, the less sanity he managed to maintain. And he liked his brain, thank you very much.

"So, what brings you to my humble-"

"And messy!" Reever shouted from his own mountain of papers. Komui ignored him and finished his sentence as if nothing had happened.

"My humble desk...?" Miki shuffled her feet from side to side and looked at the door longingly. She wanted leave. She didn't want to tell Komui that he was going to be a father. _What if..._-

Miki was pulled away from her thoughts when Keiko pushed her closer to Komui's desk. Miki looked back at Keiko who motioned with her arms for Miki to spill her heart out. Komui cocked his head to the side.

"Um...Is everything okay?" He looked back and forth between Miki and Keiko, then at Allen. Allen just shook his head and looked away, willing back any mental images of Komui and Miki.

"Komui...Do I look any different to you?" Miki mumbled. Keiko grabbed Allen's wrist and moved away to give the couple some "privacy". She did her best to not eavesdrop, but Keiko never had been so great had minding her own business.

"Different? Like...how?" Komui looked over his short lover from head to toe, trying to understand what she meant. "Well...I guess you're boobs _do_ look kinda bigger..." Miki flushed scarlet and refrained from stomping on Komui's foot. Keiko choked on air and Reever, who hadn't heard Komui's comment, gave her an odd look.

"U-um...I guess that's possible..." Miki _was_ a scientist after all, so she knew what being pregnant did to women...So Komui wasn't _completely _at fault. He just had no tact. "But that's not what I meant."

"Okaaaaay. Then what?" Miki grabbed Komui's hands and placed them on her stomach. "Miki what-" Komui froze as something moved against his hand. Miki looked up with pleading eyes.

"Miki...What was that?" Komui asked, his voice strangely calm.

"Komui...I'm pregnant." She looked up at Komui to see his reaction. His face was oddly blank and unreadable. Miki held back tears as she continued. "It's yours."

"So...I'm going...to be a father?" Something sparked in Komui's eyes when Miki nodded. Before she could say anything more, Komui had picked her up bridal style, and had begun spinning in circles. "I'm gonna be a daddy!!!!" Miki clung to his neck for dear life, shouting for him to stop.

"Miki why didn't you tell me sooner, this is so awesome!!! I'm a daddy!!"

"Komui please, someone's gonna hear! And I'm slipping!!" Her warning was followed by a crash and papers flying into her peripheral vision. Luckily she didn't fall, but Reever dropped everything he was carrying and openly gaped at the cheering Komui.

"What did you just say?!" Komui stopped spinning and turned to Reever grinning.

"Oh, you didn't hear?"

"No...I did. I'm just too disturbed at the very thought." Reever shook his head and began picking up his dropped papers.

"Is there a _problem_?" Reever looked up and put on a very unconvincing smile.

"Yes. I can't picture the horror of having your lazy seeds spread to the poor innocent world around us!" Komui almost dropped Miki in horror.

"Are you saying that you're not happy for me!?" Reever ignored Komui's whining and placed a hand on Miki's shoulder.

"Is it true?" Miki turned bright red but nodded all the same. Reever smiled and shook her hand.

"Congratulations. Honestly." He mumbled something about more work, but when Miki asked him to repeat himself he just shook his head and returned to his work. Komui bounced over to Miki and wrapped his arms around her neck.

"Miiiikiiii, I can't believe this!!" Komui went to let go of Miki but she grabbed his arms and held herself in his hug.

"Komui...you don't hate me? You're not mad?" Komui, for once, fell silent. He turned her to face him.

"Why would I hate you!? I could never hate you! I love you!" Miki's eyes filled with tears and she buried her face into his lab coat.

"Koooomuuuiiiiii!!!! I love y-you tooo!!" After a few seconds of crying, Miki's head shot up and looked Komui straight in the eyes. With all the seriousness in the world, her eyes red from crying, Miki asked if there was any food nearby. Komui sweat dropped. This was going to be an interesting nine months.

**Chapter 4:**


	4. Ponytails and Moodswings

The kitchen was unusually empty for this time of day. It was just after lunch, but most of that tables were empty. Komui told Miki to wait at the table while he got her food; an amount that almost compared to Allen's usual order. She waited, and quickly got bored with that. Just when she about to go find Komui, someone called her.

"Miiiiiiikiiiiiiii!! I found our dearest Miha!!" Keiko bounced over to the table, quite literally _dragging_ Miha. Miha cursed and protested, but didn't dare fight back at her sister. With Tyki banned from the Order (he _is_ a Noah after all) there was no one to protect her from Keiko's wrath. Not that Tyki wasn't afraid of Keiko as well...

"Keiko, You really shouldn't drag her like that. Eventually she's going to lose it and pull a gun on you..." Allen warned, pitying the poor abused little sister. Miha nodded vigorously.

"See? Allen agrees with me! Now let go!!" Miha flailed and quickly recieved a fist to her head. Over her whimpereing she heard Keiko say "Well I have no choice! You were trying to leave-"

"I wanna see Tyki!!"

"-and Miki has something to tell you!" Keiko ignored the Tyki comment. Miki shook her head and told Keiko to let go of Miha. "Fine. Miki, inform our little Miha about the good news!"

Miha tilted her head to the side and slide onto the seat next to Miha. "So, what has so much importance that you would justify pulling me away from my love?" Miha noticed the serious, and almost hurt look on Miki's face. "Er...I'm sorry...was I being tactless again?" Miki nodded and Keiko flicked her sister's ear.

"Miha, this is serious. Just listen."

"Then I can go see Tyki!?" Miha's eyes sparkled at the possibility, but Keiko shot her down.

"No, you can never see that bastard again!!" Allen felt a rant coming on, so he clamped a hand over Keiko's mouth to quiet her.

"Let Miki give Miha the uh..._good_ news." Miki glared at his pause before "good" but let it slide.

"Gah...Fine." Miha leaned forwards, resting her elbows on the table. "So..what did you want to tell me?" Miki took a deep breath before answering.

"I'm...pregnant." Miha didn't move but her eyes went wide.

"You...are?" Miki nodded.

"WHAT THE FUCK!?" Everyone jumped. Kanda, sitting across from Miha, almost spilt his souba. Nobody had noticed him sitting there; he had purposfully remained as silent as possible so as not to be noticed. But since he heard Miki's little confession, Kanda couldn't help but "comment". Miha, overcome with emotion, didn't acknowledge his outburst.

"Miki that's wonderful!! I'm so happy for you!!" She threw her arms around Miki's neck and squealed loudly. "I bet Komui's soooooo thrilled-" She stopped cheering and looked at Miki out of the corner of her eye. "It...is his, right?" Miki's glare was enough to confirm this.

Kanda stared at Miki, his mouth slightly open. Then he scoffed and refocused on his souba. "I guess you've finally earned the title of 'The Order's Whore' then."

"Kanda!!" Keiko cried, shocked that Kanda could be so heartless. Allen rolled his eyes.

"What...did you call me?" Miki growled. Kanda raised his eyebrows.

"I said you were a _short_ whore. You hard of hearing?"

"Kanda you bastard!"

"Don't blame him guys. _Miss._ Kanda is just PMSing." Miki retorted. Kanda couldn't hide a twitch as she said this, and he racked his brain for a better insult.

"I'm not a fucking girl. But I guess you wouldn't be smart enough to know."

"So what, now I'm stupid?"

"A stupid whore."

"STOP CALLING ME A WHORE, FEM BOY!!"

"I AM NOT FEMY, BITCH!!" The two began shouting back and forth, ignoring anyone who tried to stop them. With Miki on hormones and Kanda well...being himself, the two were perfect candidates for a full out nuclear war. Keiko and Miha each placed a hand on Miki's shoulder, and tried to calm her. She shook them off and jumped on the table to glare at Kanda.

"SHUT THE HELP UP YOU SISSY FUCKER!! IF YOU'RE NOT MAN ENOUGH TO ACTUALLY FIGHT ME, YOU REALLY ARE A GIRL!!"

"I BET YOU'RE LITTLE 'BUNDLE OF FUCKING JOY' ISN'T EVEN KOMUI'S!!" Miki's anger melted and gave way to tears. "You...I would never..." Kanda was about to continue when a fist landed on his head. He turned to face Saya, who was glaring at Kanda.

"Now now, don't be a bitch." Kanda opened his mouth to retort but fell silent under Saya's gaze. "That's no way to treat a pregnant woman!"

"She started it." He grumbled. Miki remained standing on the table, her shoulders shaking as she cried silently. Saya and Miha grabbed her hands and pulled her off the table.

"It's okay Miki, Kanda doesn't know what he's saying." Miha consoled her friend who was crying heavily by now. Saya hugged the girl around the neck and patted her head. "Yeah, like Miha said. He's not very smart."

"Hey!"

"Shut up Kanda." Saya once agian silenced the samurai. Miha hugged the short scientist and tried her best to make the crying stop, to no avail. Komui finally came back, shocked to find his love crynig her eyes out. He was only gone for a few minutes, what could have _possibly_ happened!?

"Mikiiii! What happened?" He cried, exagerating his shock with tears.

"K-Kanda..."

"I'll kick his ass!!" In order to protect his love, Komui pulled a large remote from that void deep inside the pocket of all good anime bishes. An evil grin spread across his face as he cried out a name feared by all Black Order members. "KOMLIN, ATTACK!"

Everyone sweatdropped as a giant, very odd looking robot burst through the ceiling, scattering rubble all over the tables. Miha sheirked and hid behind Miki, whose eyes had gone comically wide.

"Komui what the hell is that!?" Her tears stopped instantly out of pure fear. She knew Komui was a little twisted but not criminally insane! Komui, already climbing up the robots leg, cackled.

"This is my greatest invention ever! Not even Kanda will be able to destroy this one" His laughter sent shivers down Miki's spine. Miki, MIha and Saya all decided the safest place would be hiding behind Keiko and Allen, for some odd reason.

"Keiko you're my older sister, protect me!" Miha squeaked, clinging to her sister's arm. Keiko sweatdropped and looked up at the Komlin, who was being pet and gushed over by Komui.

"I don't see how it's my problem. After all, he's aiming those cannons at Kanda, not me." Keiko said, facing Saya. "Why not make Allen do it?"

"Yeah, you heard her! Go get the robot Allen-" Saya started but her words were lost in a very uncharacteristic laughter. Allen's expression had gone dark, his eyes hidden by his bangs.

"Are you kidding me? I'll finally be rid of that asshole! No more name calling that for sure...kukuku..." The four girls, even Keiko, were greatly taken aback by Allen. Who knew he was really this dark?

"Allen you jerk!" Saya yelled hitting him with the same fist she had used to stop the fight. "Go save my lovely samurai, right now!"

"Well why don't you, you're an exorcist too!"

"As they say, ladies first." said Saya with a grin. Allen felt like pulling out his hair.

"What's that supposed to mean?! You're a girl, no me!"

"Oh come on, we all know that you're much more female than I am." She teased. Keiko twitched and placed a hand on Saya's shoulder, forcing a smile.

"You do realize that's calling me a lesbian, right?"

"Well if the shoe fits.."

"Saya!" Keiko cried.

"So now that that's settled, GO FIGHT KOMULIN ALLEN!" Miha and Miki shouted at the same time, pointing to the metal abomination.

"Yeah, save my pretty love!" Saya cried as a follow up.

"Save who now?" Everyone gaped as Kanda strode over to the group, looking more than a little annoyed. Behind him lay a carnage of metal heaps and oil spills. Among the mess, somewhere under the cockpit, Komui sat, crying his eyes out.

"My precious Komulin! Kanda, how could yooou?!" It would have been a scene wrothy of pity had Komui not just finished telling the robot to kill Kanda. "I thought I had made him indestructible!"

"Yes, but you forgot That this is Kanda we're talking about." Saya gushed, clamping her arms around Kanda's waist. He flinched and scowled, but didn't tell her to get off.

"MY LOVE!" Miki's cry startled everyone as she ran through the wreckage to embrace Komui. "Did that asshole-fem-boy hurt you?!" Everyone sweat dropped, except for Kanda who twitched.

"He singed my hair too..." The scientist sniffed. Instead of getting more hugs from Miki, he felt her sharp little fist implant itself into his face.

"Don't ever bring that destructive robot out here again, idiot!" She hit him again and Komui whined.

"I was just trying to protect you!" He protested. Miki suddenly changed again, hugging Komui around the neck and apologizing rapidly. Everyone,even Komui, was taken aback by the excesses mood swinging. They knew to expect it, but this, this was just unnatural.

Miki swiftly stood up and, climbing over the massive robot, ordered several donuts and two bagels from Jerry the cook.

"Wow...I think Miki surpasses all pregnancy books..." Keiko whispered. Her friends nodded in agreement. Komui remained sitting in his robot's "corpse", rubbing his face where Miki had hit him. Did they really have to wait nine months?


End file.
